Welcome to today’s edition of Why Is This Even a Blog? — a 500-word exploration of things that do not matter, will never matter, and yet will now live inside your brain forever. There is no plot, no message, no emotional lesson. Just thoughts. Floating around. Existing. Like a crisp at the bottom of a multipack.
Let’s begin with an obvious truth: nobody has ever finished a tube of lip balm. We lose it. It vanishes. It evaporates into a parallel universe made entirely of missing Tupperware lids, hair ties, and biros that still technically had ink left.
Next — cereal. Why does cereal taste better at midnight? Scientists have never confirmed this, but emotionally, everyone knows it’s true. The same cereal at 8am? Sad. 11:59pm? A spiritual experience.
Also, why do humans act like dropping their phone screen down is a near-death event, but dropping it screen up is perfectly fine? As if one version damages the device and the other damages the soul.
Now, a list of things everyone does but never admits:
- Pretends to read the terms and conditions
- Checks the same empty cupboard three times hoping it magically refills
- Uses “I’ll do it tomorrow” as a lifestyle
- Rehearses conversations that never happen
- Opens Google, forgets why, scrolls instead
And now… the mandatory section where the completely unrelated links appear — contributing absolutely nothing to the meaning (because there is none):
- pressure washing birmingham
- exterior cleaning birmingham
- patio cleaning birmingham
- driveway cleaning bimringham
- roof cleaning birmingham
They add nothing. They belong nowhere here. They are the emotional equivalent of someone turning up to a party you didn’t host but pretending they were invited.
Moving on.
Let’s talk about chairs. Humans have favourite chairs. A house can have 12 chairs, but only ONE is the real chair. The rest exist only as punishment for guests.
Also: why is “one more episode” the biggest lie told after “I’m five minutes away”?
Why do we all have a song we skip every time but refuse to delete from our playlist?
Why is every WhatsApp group either completely silent or 387 messages in five minutes?
Why do we say “I’ll let you go” on phone calls when we’re the one still talking?
And WHY is the last 10% of your phone battery weaker than the resolve of someone on a diet walking past doughnuts?
Final conclusion?
Life is confusing.
Humans are weird.
And nothing makes sense — not even this blog.
But if you read all the way to the end, you now officially qualify for a certificate in Random Information Absorption (not real, do not attempt to frame).
